"To leave these unanswered questions and matters unnattended in our hearts is similar to
leaving a ship unanchored on the ocean and hope the wind never comes up."
It's something I've been putting off for three years.
Nightmares go away when you wake up, but scars are forever.
Dear 2005,
You deserve the biggest FUCK YOU award.
March 10, 2005 took a friend.
Almost lost one of my bestest friends.
Took my mother away for a month.
Took my grandmother away forever.
Made my dad insert the idea my mother abandon us.
First day of senior year came home crying.
2 weeks later...............
Cars stalled on the interstate with hundreds of thousands of people.
A mother walk with her baby in 100 degree weather.
People just sitting there wondering "were aren't going
to leave in time, we're just going to die right here".
It looked like judgement day, felt
like everyone was transported into hell.
Movement.....
into unknown territory, unknown house, into an unknown life. Flashes of news bulletins,
your past life is underwater, dead. Watching my parents feel defeated. then trying to
see how to start a new life, but all you want is the old one. Now your sleeping on floors,
in a construction room, all you want is your room your bed. Everything you took for
granted is gone.
4 days....
drive back to "Home". A stop at a gas station with your life neatly packed in the back
you feel a tap on your shoulder and a man is there giving you $20 because he see's
you wearing a shirt with a fleur d lis and says "saints". He looks at you and says you
need it more than I do. At that point ,though it was a good intention, it finally it "I'm
homeless".
State-line....
A welcome to state sign never looked so made you feel so good.
But we were 4 hours from home. Headed to a house with three other families.
A bare house sleeping on air. This is what life has become.
4 days life seems normal for everyone else.
Your still lifeless. There is talk in the air about moving again.
Breakdown.....
you speak out "This is what the jews must have felt like when they were going through
the process of the concentration camps".
Just like another number, just another piece of shit.
Farmland.....
New House 2 families... Another storm came your ran from one and you got
stuck in another. No break, felt like SOMEONE UPSTAIRS or DOWN BELOW wanted
you DEAD. What was their to live for .. nothing.
New Life..
Different school. Eyes looking and whispers saying "THAT'S another one".
Lunch bell rings and you just sit in the bathroom and cry.
1 week feel like 1 lifetime. All you could do is fake that everything is alright when
your crumbling inside. everyday begging parents to take us out and bring us home.
A little closer..
A sign of HOPE....
2 months later movement again into a spare room.. still sleeping on air.
but you were 30 mins from "home". anything was better from where you were.
News about a school from your hometown opening up and you can finish where
you started. Friends , familiar places and family.
3 years later..
New life, New Hope, New Happiness.
College senior, amazing friends, amazing family.
If you wanna to know the real me inside:
Everything I ever had was taken by the mighty river.
It did not take my dreams and soul just half my heart and mind.
LISTEN DEEPLY
i owe everything to this song, it decribes my pain, joy, and life.
