CLIMAX SCENE

AFTER 13 HOURS AND 1 NIGHT SPENT, SHE'S BACK TO "NORMAL"! All I ask is that God just look out for her.

5:00 am sitting in the entrance waiting room waiting it to be 5:30 am because the elevators open at that time. 5:30 am open, of course the elevator that we first get into does not work, HORROR MOVIE. Get into the room and wait for them to take her away. There she goes in the bed riding to her future. I have not cried like I did in years.

7 hours in a waiting room, you see people come and go. You make "waiting room friends". Doctors come in and out with news of family/friend. There was this group of ladies that will stick with me. Out of the whole day they were the only ones to make me cry but not about my mom. They were the only ones that day that lost someone. Everyone got choked up, it ran through every one of the minds that they could be put in that situation.

7pm she's out in so much pain, and tears just start rolling down my face' a unstoppable waterfall. She speaks faintly, that she saw her mother while asleep. My grandmother told her "you go back its not your time". When she told me that it got worse, and got to thinking "HOW IN THE WORLD CAN SOMEONE DIE IN A ARM OPERATION?", "WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO DIE ON MY BROTHER AND ME?". Its just been one blow after another for her. She wanted to give up and I wouldn't blame her because I've seen it. She still wears the emotional scars on her. My grandmother was right "JUST GO BACK ITS NOT YOUR TIME".

1 night, we feel the same she couldn't sleep neither could I. 12pm today she's home and now its up to me to help her in any way I can.

Mommy don't leave me, ever.
It's been my stupid child wish, I WANT YOU TO LIVE FOREVER.


(when in the dark all alone, you let it out; but hide it from the world)


STAYING POSITIVE

Waiting Scene

Tomorrow once again I will be walking a scent of death & life. A place where it begins and ends. Hopefully the saying "third times a charm" has some truth in it. The only time I can admit being scared is being in a waiting room or roaming through the halls and seeing inside and the outside. You see so many thing suffering or joy. Why is life ONE OR THE OTHER? Why not one or the other or the other OR the other?

Mommy, this time they will get it right. Hopefully this time we'll get you back to something normal.


To make matters worse we just got a call from my father saying he might have broken his ankle and if their is any truth to that then basically we are screwed. This means more responsibility would have to be placed upon me being the house provider of three other people and a dog. A challenge that I have no problem taking one, its time to give back, because they have done so much for me SO MUCH. I thank GOD for choosing them to be my parents because it COULD BE so much worse.

I don't care about ANYTHING ELSE going on. All my focus is on the positive things and recovery. Which is funny cause RECOVERY is something I've been doing for 3 years and comes natural. So as for now my future there are going to be bumps, but hopefully in the gaps it will be smooth.

Grace Consumes Us

When you say sorry you really never mean it. When you keep doing it over and over again. Why don't you put that word right up your ass, where all the shit belongs? Your sorry for nothing. You will be for something though.

1 snap fine, 2 snap fine, 3 snap fine, but 4-beyond not. One thing I don't have to wait for the new year is to change that. Because I am really sick and tired of the same old sick and tired.



Atomic Bombs t minus XXX and counting.