HERE WE ARE !

workworkwork FUN though.

ALL YOU WARPED TOUR ATTENDES

CHECK SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS ON THE SMARTPUNK STAGE. OF COURSE IF YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THEM THEN WHY NOT GO CHECK THEM OUT AND YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE. HERE IS THE LINE UP FOR THE SMARTPUNK STAGE THIS YEAR WITH WHICH DATES THEY WILL BE ON ALSO:

RunnerRunner 8/23

Valencia 7/24-8/23

Senses Fail Whole Tour

LoveHateHero 8/15-8/22

Forever the Sickest Kids 7/22-7/27

A Skylit Drive Whole Tour

Cash Cash 7/24- 8/23

Breathe Carolina Whole Tour

Every Avenue 7/24-8/23

The White Tie Affair Whole Tour

There For Tomorrow Whole Tour

Dear in the Headlights 6/26-7/23

Breathe Electric 7/30

Jeffree Star 6/26-7/23

Dance Gavin Dance 6/26-7/23

Vanna 7/18-7/21

The Goodnight Anthem 7/17

Hit The Lights Whole Tour

A Rocket to the Moon 6/26-7/16

NeverShoutNever 7/31-8/9

Ocean is Theory 7/28-7/29

CUT IT OUT.

I want to like something that cannot be liked.
I want to feel something that cannot be felt.
I want to see something that cannot be seen.
I want to love something that cannot be loved.
I want to learn what cannot be taught.
I want to have everything in grasp even if it cannot be held..


I want to be simple, but I'm mentally complicated.
I want to express my emotions, but I'm to good at hiding them.
I want to stop crying, but there is so many tears to still be shed.
I want to stop feeling alone, when I'm REALLY NOT alone.
I want to stop feeling sorry for myself, when there is nothing to be sorry about.
I want to know the future, and completely forget about the past.
I want to LIVE in the present, but i can't handle it.
I want to live my life, but I'm tied down by the "american traditions".
I want to feel more, instead of always feeling less.

If this breakdown could...
If this song could...
If this lyric could...
If this guitar solo could...
If this lightening could...
If this rain could...
If this thunder could...
If this sigh could...
If this slow rocking could...
If this movement could...
If this beat could...

SSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKK


Something has gotten me unnerved and not feeling LIKE me. I have no sense in thought today. I felt like I was floating. I cannot even being to think.. maybe that its way to much thinking time, BUT that's always it. IM BORED with thoughts; its the same shit different days or different shit same day.

THIS THAT THESE AND THOSE MY WHO WHAT WHEN WHY AND HOW BECAUSE IT WAS WASNT DID DIDNT WONT DONT COULDNT HAVE BEEN SHOULD HAVE DONE WHAT THE FUCK........

If It Ever Felt So Real.

define:Dream a series of mental images and emotions occurring during sleep; "I had a dream about you last night"....

Exactly if something so imaginative ever felt so real you were entrapped in them last night. While my mind if set on him, but my heart STILL is set on you WHY WHY WHY are you still creeping your way back through. When REALLY I'm 100% OVER YOU. But last night that dream make me miss what WAS, but not him physically. Those kisses felt so real, those touches felt so soft, those words were so heartfelt, those feelings felt right. Being your girl and you being my boy only felt true. The last time I ever felt something was the one before you that brought out the best and hide to worst from everyone else. When I woke up, I just realized it was just my dream. Just my mind fucking with my emotions? Why do the two of you have to fight that battle inside of me. Running away from that just to find it again around every inch of every broken crack.

Two fallen stars.....Breaking me down so softly....

Don't Let Them See You Cry....

Underneath this extraordinary woman lies a web of a dark past and still a dark present.... with the future looking like an eclipse sun. The ring of fire that revolves around her is so powerful and can attract and decimate you in a single second. Waiting for someone to unlock that inner trust love and soul hidden in her highest of high towers. Many have tried, but that dragon of emotions blocks all attempts, if there was ever a BRAVE soul to get past all the levels of difficulty then they would find the prize was well worth the wait. Maybe they would see what I see a beautiful, talented, hard working, caring, and loving young woman. That with time and the back up of some solid people in her life she will enhance herself even more. Maybe they will see everything good and bad that I love about her. Don't worry baby girl, I'm not going anywhere. One day you will get EVERY single thing your heart desires. Just remember before you can love anyone else you must truly be in love with yourself 100% mind body and soul. Get those evil thoughts from your past, those people that have hurt you the most and like FULLY let them go, have a clear head and not clouded. So when you take a breath it will be clean, crisp, enlightening, hopeful, and just a fresh new everything.



I love you.

You Drive Me Crazy...

So here we are again, back in that SAME point, with the SAME feelings, with the SAME investment, and with the SAME out come. At some point one should get so tired will all the mess and you THINK you can avoid it, but you always find your way back. Damn you little asshole you got my mind and thoughts wrapped around it and I can't stand it. I cannot stand not knowing or guessing it might be mega wrong or semi right. Body language can be misinterpreted its the works of a what might or might not be. It is beyond annoying and stressful, but deep down I kinda know what it is because it is always the SAME variables.


I'm the type for not this cause you're always looking for that. That something will always diss, but your always going back. Back to what you want to want, but you don't pursue cause your always trying to keep the image and make me the invisible.

-sidenote- the last three lines all from the mind



EDIT: i knew it just knew it. it never is, but always for the other.

Was so alive, but now so lost

Every day is a step closer to that one day. Just can't help to think that it just started 16 years ago. 16 years of learning, adapting, and just having the same routine. You also find yourself wondering, what if all this is worth it. Will I get the job based on my desire to put my all into it, or because they take a look a piece of paper that shows how you progressed and digress. Those grades, those numbers, or really nothing on that paper TRULY explains what knowledge that person has in that field. College is just a higher education in a specific field, some people that didn't go still have the best education that doesn't have a $50,000 bill to it. Life teaches you way more than a professor, TA, or an adviser would ever.

You just realize that, its nice to have gotten taught these other things, but in reality its up to the person soaking it all in to put it to good use. It doesn't matter what letter grade you get, a job doesnt grade you by letters, it grades you by the hard work you put in and always doing a good job.


Some say its the 4 years of getting you prepared for the real world, really its just four more years of busting your ass, trying not to let yourself down, not trying to let your parents down, stressing out, growing up, finding yourself, and just really delaying the inevitable................. that day is coming up soon. With each passing day the crisis in the world really makes you wonder was it a wise decision because it COULD get better then it would be all worth it or it could all get worse and everything you worked for in that time was for nothing. You could have been out doing something for yourself.


You just got to keep it positive, but that's so very hard to do with the different variables surrounding us. Plus life is never that easy, but it looks just so easy for some other people. CROSSING FINGERS and HOPING that something always has a happy ending in the non fantasy world.

Put the pressure on...I'm only human.

The collapse of the world on the quietest day.....



I couldn't think straight today and tomorrow is just going to be worse. It makes FOUR years, our companion/friend past away. FOUR YEARS its still makes you choke up, heartache, cry, and hurt so much. The past just rushes the night/day events. The darkest anniversary many of us wish it didn't have to come, but we always remember the best and celebrate your life everyday.



We're all hugging and loving you real big around here.



Cause I forget what it was like before you were asleep there underground

I'm staring in the mirror

Looking back at the person I hate.


When I looked down and saw those figures, my mind went into shock/hysteria. Listening to that song reminded me so much about of where I was and how it changed and now it's the same thing again. Reinventing oneself is so much harder, cause fucking yourself up is way more easier. Takes less time wasting away, and more time getting all of that back.



I can't remember the last time I've seen my own eyes
or the color of my skin do you know what it's like to feel ugly all the time?

Duality

sometimes people say it better than you could ever even dream of, its like they already took the thoughts that you haven't thought of yet and made it in a simple song. When its your time to feel its already there for you, I guess to relate more.

I know you're tired I SEE YOUR EYES CRY AGAIN. I see you fall and I will fall down with you Hold on. Shine like the rivers that sent you. Baby we'll run so far away from here. I've loved you so long that I can hardly remember what it was like without you here. YOUR HEART BREAKS DOWN, WHEN NO ONE IS AROUND TO SEE ... OH NO Life let you down. That don't seem fair at all to me ... my love. Shine like the rivers that sent you. Baby we'll run so far away from here. I've loved you so long that I can hardly remember what it was like without you here. Shine like the rivers that sent you. Baby we'll run so far away from here. I've loved you so long that I can hardly remember what it was like without you here
________________________________________________

I'm gonna let you down. Gonna toss you around. Gonna make you want everything you haven't found. I'm gonna hold your hand, then ask you to stand ten feet away. Oh it's just like you said I live in my head. I'm saving up all that I have til I'm dead. IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME AND NEVER THE SAME WAY. Oh if you don't want me though I'll only want you more. I fall in love with hard to get. YOU KNOW YOU'RE JUST LIKE ME A MYSTERY WITH NOTHING MORE TO SEE, a virtual reality. I'm in a love affair without a love song. I'M IN THE HABIT OF HAVING WHAT I DON'T WANT. I'm just a hologram. You can see but don't touch me baby. Oh I bet you want me now.

I am taking up space I'm right out of place. I'm holding a half-hearted smile to your face. It's pretty enough but watch out it fades away. Time is ticking so fast. DOES ANYTHING LAST. SOON I WILL BE JUST APART OF YOUR PAST. I'll leave you with this, you hold on in blissful memories.Oh if you don't want me though I'll only want you more. I fall in love with hard to get. You know you're just like me a mystery with nothing more to see, a virtual reality.I'm in a love affair without a love song. I'm in the habit of having what I don't want. I'm just a hologram. You can see but don't touch me baby. Oh I bet you want me now. NOW THAT YOU CAN SEE I'M NOT, NOT WHAT YOU MAKE OF ME. I'm in a love affair without a love song. I'm in the habit of having what I don't want. I'm just a hologram. You can see but don't touch me baby. Oh I bet you want me now.


ten of tenn

random 2.

MY BIRTHDAY MAYBE A COUPLE OF MONTHS AWAY (2) BUT THESE THINGS I MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT GET FOR MYSELF SO GO AHEAD AND STEAL THESE IDEAS WINK WINK.

1. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST DVD

2. The Alchemy Index on Vinyl is now available for pre-order.
You can order it here from the Vagrant store , which is the ONLY place where you can pre-order.


The Alchemy Index is a two-volume collection comprised of four EPs, each devoted to one of the essential elements in nature—fire, water, air and earth—with each EP sonically and thematically tailored to evoke the atmosphere inherent in its corresponding element.


Each of the 4 EP’s will be pressed on 10” colored vinyl -the Fire EP is red, Water is blue, Earth is brown and Air is on clear vinyl. The discs will be inside a hand-bound hardcover book complete with lyrics, liner notes and commentary from the band.

3. DEFTONE SELF TITLE SHIRT.

4. NECKLACE.

5 STRAIGHT MONEY FOR MY BEAUTY AND THE BEAST TATTOO. ($1-$20 helps)



and I have decided today that MY DINNER PARTY WILL BE AT PANCHOS!! HAHAHA SO SPIC
I WANT MY DAMN PINATA, PICTURE WITH PANCHO, AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG!!

Over In The Brain Section

Three weeks feels more like three years. Two months feels like two centuries. Living is forever, joy comes and goes, and heartbreak never ending cycle. This quadrant is over loaded the red lights are flashing and in anytime total system failure. The difficulty is at level 30 but stuck at 15. Looking around you as the things pass by it just keeps going and going and going. As you just stand there wondering "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON". Do not have time to soak it all in, plans for the present, plans for the future. Looking back and wondering that's where your soul is left in the past. Digging through all of the dimensions is an impossible task, so your to construct a new one. Working your way back up to 100% understand your true meaning, but knowing your shadow is a stranger.


Nothing out of something is always something.
RAMBLE RAMBLE THIS THIS RAMBLE RAMBLE THAT THAT.

they call me mr. president.

living history...... a dream that has been made to reality.
HOPE & PROUD to be an American again.

unite

Today, MLK jr had a dream. Tomorrow that dream will become a reality. Wonder what he would be thinking? That is the million and 5 dollar question. I'm just glad to be alive to witness this event.

"proof that it's possible to live"

Don't worry I found something else to keep that fire going, just know the part that was buring for you is now blown out. I'm not telling a lie to myself or others, OMG totally 100 PERCENT telling the truth. It was fun, so many fun memories, conversations, feelings etc. It was heart breaking cause I knew deep down that ............ yeah the crash. It also reminded me of something that happen before and instead of having it go on like last time; this time Im going to take care of myself. What's done is done and was already 75% over it so only have 25 to go. Not to bad I have plenty of things and I guess you were only meant to me as a friend OR nothing at all time will tell on that one. This is the only thing I like about myself I wont DWELL on it. So after this it will be COMEPLETELY DONE everything, my mind,heart,body, and soul are FREE to live ,just as they always were, but this time with a little more room to breathe.


thank you so very much.

"dont worry you'll be alright"

Every FIRST day of classes at tulane FEELS like the first day of elementary school. I HAVE NO CLOSE FRIENDS HERE AND EVERYONE IS PRETTY MUCH NOT MY STYLE. Although exeptional FEW I do get along with which I like to call my "school friends". RAMBLING........ ANYWAYS after not going for the fall semester enjoying my time off working for a festival, focusing on my mom, helping fearless record with promoting shows WHICH WERE FEW LETS FACE IT NO ONE AMAZING TOURS HERE, and helping out from legends to nancy as their merch person and at time manange them <33333333. I really did want to come back to school cause I rather HURRY up and finish my last semesters (spring summer and finally fall). BUT back to my main point I hate first days. I HATE YOU FIRST DAYS OF SCHOOL. Maybe not the content like school shit, just people, seeing you would click with and don't. ITS TOUGH, but it doesnt only apply to school I guess. hopefully this first week goes by fast which today went by fast so GOOD yay. this weekend going to be so busy getting ready for From legends to nancy's headline show. I WILL CRY THIS TIME, cause there such young boys and look at them big accomplishments. Also on my mind is whether or not to work Jazz Fest, to kind of get me ready for Essence Fest in July because IM DEF working that. Conflict with jazz fest is Erykuh Badu not really haha she was ALRIGHT at voodoo backstage. BUT I REALLY WANT TO SEE the fest. I REALLY want to see Aretha Franklin/Dave Matthew DUDE EARTH WIND AND FIRE!!!!!!!!!!. Im so excited for them. So we'll see its a couple of months away for me to decided most likely just going to attend.

Last week was bad and this one looks and feels so much better. Hopefully cross fingers. I want CRAWFISH! but right now going to my monday night class.

oh doctor, doctor...

You go to school to learn how to better someone, to save their lives. BUT WHEN do you lose your moral value. Its when you start believing your a "god". Your just sick and twisted by that point. How can something that's suppose to be simple ALMOST end up in taking someones life. That life so happen to be my MOTHERS. The worst part is that you didn't have the audacity to even tell her you the TOTALLY FUCKED UP and hit an important vein and almost left her there bleeding to death. HOW CAN SOMEONE DO THAT! YOUR SUPPOSE TO GIVE HER BACK HER ARM NOT KILL HER NOT MAKE IT A MILLION TIMES WORSE. YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE AWAY THE ONE PERSON THAT I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE ME. You sat there and told my mom, dad, and me that everything was going to be okay and she was going to recover. YOU SAT THERE AND LIED TO US. I'm just glad you didn't sit there and tell her that YOU KILLED HER. Because then well... THINGS would have just happen. SERIOUSLY how can you just sit there and not say anything because you don't want people to know you fucked up YOU DOCTOR DID FUCK UP. You just better be thankful My family still has her, but we also still have suffering; so we thank you for that too. As angry as I am and always will be, hopefully one day when something happens to you and your life is in danger, there is a better doctor to treat you than you treated my mother. The you will know that NO ONE can be a CRUEL LYING BITCH like you.

flip it and reverse it.

Take that same question you posted that was directed toward us, and flip it and ask it for yourself. Then think about it.. keep thinking.. and keep going until you finally realized that we are not the ones to blame or maybe blame isn't the right word, but a fact is that we work around everyone and we cannot help that plans fall on bad days, but those bad days fall often. Personally I'm tired of playing a ring leader, but then again with some people I don't have to be, we all come together naturally not forcefully. Like the song says "Maybe I'm Just Tired", because its always the same mess.

09

happy 2009, the year of getting life together and OH MY LORD growing up, literally.
- college graduation.
- saving money to move out.
- finding a job.
- turning 21.
- getting my hair longer (okay maybe that doesn't fit into this category :| )

the BIG things that you know has to come but you really don't wait it too.
It's almost that time. *cross fingers* everything turns our AMAZING but I will settle for an alright. ANOTHER REVELATION Don't you hate when you realized who you thought you wanted, wasn't the person that really had your heart beating faster than it should. Yeah, totally kick myself in the ass every time because it could have been, but as for now were just not. Just a level below. Its stupid pretty. I'll settle for what I have right now. I'll figure this out later. right now priority number .5 is school other than my other .5 family&friends which both equal my number one priority HAHAHA IM SO SMART!