on the earth, what state does mother nature seem to hate...
05'
08'
Going to be on the same day of the week just 3 years later.
Don't take away a city give us some slack.
It's the earth giving us a big fuck you, to everyone because we are killing it.
PEOPLE, GOVERNMENT SHOULD FUCKING GET A CLUE.
If it hit Louisiana were going to Florida. I don't care what happens I will always make my way back to this city.
Two posts in one day.. I'm aggravated with something... I'M SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO ANNOYED WITH SOMETHING!! Please don't ask me what it is cause the answer will be a flat out I DON'T KNOW. These headaches haven't gone away in a month, this stress is building more and more. Maybe its the fact that tomorrow school starts and I'm not going to be there. It just reiterates the I'm a failure.
I just can't get past that phrase or that thought it repeats in my head
Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure Sara you a failure
All I have to keep telling myself is once Nov. hits everything is going to be alright . The tears that run down your face since a month ago will go away. THAT THIS SITUATION WAS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD IT DIDN'T COME CLOSE TO IT. That starting in spring you'll be back on track, then you have summer and fall and your a college graduate. SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF.
But no right now I'm cold, I've lost that spark inside of me. I'm dead to myself. So many things left and right.
I'm an inch away................. with nothing to reach out to grab me out of it.
3 years in 3 days
Whoever said life has a premade plan for people, FAILED. For some people why would they want all the horrible things that have happen to them actually happen to them. No one deserves it, but because unfortunately it happens it is your destiny after all of this to become a better person, but some people get caught up in it that they never see the end of it.
The one important thing that is killing me among other things is my mother. When she doesn't think I can hear her cry she does. I'm up on those stairs crying with her then walk downstairs and give her a hug. It's been back to back to back shit. Her mother dying 3 years ago, one week after getting home from Guatemala the storm happens, put all her feelings aside and help her family survive, moving from house to house, working ,then the topper getting run over and then having the worst fracture you could get on your hand. She will never be the same in so many ways, "I would have never thought at 50 I would be going through something like this".
I wish, I want to take everything that she is going through and the injury I WANT IT WHY COULDN'T IT HAPPEN TO ME! WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN TO HER HASN'T SHE GONE THROUGH ENOUGH I DESERVE IT I WANT IT WHY DIDN'T IT HAPPEN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It would have never mattered if it happen to me, I already don't feel anything everything is ruined i just wanted it to happen to me and not her. At least if it happen to me if would have healed better cause well I have the young factor. I just want her to enjoy her life and not have to worry about it. Her life has been up and down, and every time she tells me that story you think "All Minorities no matter what culture or country they come from must have almost the same story", we do really have it hard.
I just want to make her life happy and I know the things that she wants from her children and my brother and I do try, but right now I feel like such a failure its not helping her at all. I cry, I have resentment, I hate..... myself....... but i hide it all just to put on a face. I just want her to see that I'm doing anything and everything for her so it wouldn't have to be ONE MORE THING. She has helped me through everything in life, its time for me to repay everything back and have been since January. I love her so much, and I hope one day in some form I could be like her.
One day, I'm going to build you a house where you will be worried free and don't have to worry about money where every you are. One day, your going to be home again living the good life.
Te quiero mamá
Its almost time to remember a nightmare that will never go away.
Three years and somethings haven't changed.
old house. old room. old life.
so yesterday I placed an order for this
its a tribute to my best friends on the back its my favorite picture of us right to left Johnny, Mary, Aivi, Me, and Tiffany
Odette represents my alter ego.
on the front its each of them kinda of a reminder of one of the many reasons to enjoy life. Each one of those people I have had the best and the worst moments, but thats what makes friendships amazing!
my friends come first thats the bottom line
spent my pay check already and I never even got it. So my phone has to wait until next week or the end of the month. Then saving up for my tattoos
I'm starting to get that glow back hopefully it continues. All you can do is hope for the best.
I was looking through my old stuff and found the first version of one of my blog post that I have one here "June 6, 2006"
Look at them running, off the sidewalk ,look at us falling off a building, look at them reading lights take a second look at me, look at you, all of the heaviest thoughts seem to slip away just find me and speak to me even with everybody standing around us, even with everyone drowning us here just by looking through the looking glass I reach my hand out hoping that someone will pull me through the storm to pull from the norm just take me and hold me in your hands please don't let me fall. I want to feel you, calming all the storms, give me rest,
all I need to do is hear you .
Look at the sidewalk cracking under, the under side is black, look at us broken, the building bricks are falling, the shades of grey steal the rays from the sun so bright could you be here on the darkest days can I trust in you give me that light that leads me to a place where the peace and the strength is found there are many clouds in our sky today can i trust you not to run away please make it matter into the dark morning I dont want to stay. I reach my hand out hoping that someone will pull me through the grey and to sailed away make me believe that "Love" isn't so boring all I need to do is hear you.
Look at the shallow, the shallow water that comes on the fallen bricks, let us walk to the water, hold me and take a look deeper steal the heart and take my breath away.... just take me in we stand here thinking could anything else be better than these moments everything mattered we found our place we shredded through the looking glass, breaking everyone that stood around us all we ever heard was our voices when i reach out for a hand I reach for you.
Elle se donne un instant pour reflechir, pour laisser aller ses sentiments
Fell awake watching the the sky fall.
Haven't Slept for a two weeks and still have the same headache.
Everything is spinning, I've lost myself.
How do you find it again?
know friendships aren't perfect and there are always bumps big and small in them, but in the end they are all that you have (other than family).
I went to a funeral on saturday, though I did not know the guy very well or at all really I still cried because of what they talked about and the center of it all was friendship.
And just got back from watching the sisterhood and yeah its just a movie but really those four characters reminds me of all of us. We aren't just one we take a little peace of all of them. Not that the movie is going to change everything going on within us, but it will get you to think that in the bigger picture we need each other through the beautiful and ugly times.
burrito,spring roll, and two Italian sausages on big beautiful plate ready to be served to the world.
love you guys with all my heart.
world war 5 billion broke out
(this time it wasn't between my father and I)
Just gotta wait for the dust to settle to see real damage.
August is a bad month ........................ always.
______________________________________
abuelita rosita
I miss you so much wish I would have been there with you.
Wish when I was younger I didn't take for granted your months visit from your home in Guatemala.
your in a better place.
miss you and tell abuelita delia i miss her too........ love you both.
______________________________________
on a positive note no matter what I love all my friends.
[SS] maybe be a little broken right now but we are still the [SS] once a member always a member, no matter if you want to be in it or not its still a bond between friends.
LAME BUT DA TROOF
AND my dad yeah MY DAD is going to help me with the rest of the money for my phone.
shocking.
but I'm so excited to get the new sidekick that came out 7/30/08, next month =]. so maybe that means ima hold off on getting a tattoo because this phone is just amazing.
upgrade almost $300 but i dont care i deserve it and im going to buy it myself or i get it as a early early almost 4 months early christmas present (from my mom).
BAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
Customizable Shells Green and black shells are included, but the possibilities are endless: Go to Sidekickshells.com to shop, create unique designs, and explore/share in the gallery.
Video capture/playback Capture and play back short video clips.
Picture messaging* Send pictures from your phone to others.
2.0 megapixel camera Take high-quality pictures from your phone that you can enlarge or print
yes in a better mood =]
Odette version 2.0 <3
one simple thing.
____________________
me and my dad are going to be okay.
(hopefully it last long SAGA ON STANDBY)
im almost close to being happy again.
Is it normal to have a headache for almost one week?
Fights have calmed down, but everyone seems to push the buttons just
to see where it will end up.
I've learn this so far:
I don't hate you, I resent you.
Soy su hija y siempre le amaré
I'm really trying to see where this is coming from
and maybe in the future it might teach me something.
Just being hardheaded
Just sucking up to get my way again.
Maybe I have to grow out of it..... No have to.
you don't have to ask someone to make you happy, people makes themselves happy. you just have to be there for people when they need you. you don't have to ask for something, normally people just do it out of their own heart.
One thing to say I am feeling a little better. Maybe from all the tears that have fallen, maybe because I had a 20 minutes freedom, maybe I have people that are TRULY concern about me. I never ask for help or talk to people about my problems because I feel like a burden to them, like I don't want to cut into their life. I know that everyone has something going on so I just deal with everything myself, which I've learned it not a good idea. I'm like this because in the past when I asked someone for help all I would get is "OH I'M SORRY" or "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU".
What is that suppose to do? Honestly? It makes me feel like a burden, its the truth.
I know it doesn't bother me when someone that I know needs me. I want them to be happy and have peace with themselves and life. From what I do to help someone thats what I get back for being a good person and a good friend. You get what you receive, well most of the time. Even if people haven't shown you anything you as a person cannot turn your back on them. You just have to show them that in time of need your going to be their for them even if they aren't. You still make yourself a good person.
I've personally learned that in the past couple of years.
And I can't say it enough but thank you.
still much love to everyone though.
-sidenote-
I wish "winter" was here, I find it the most beautiful time of the year.
Is it because everything is lifeless? I don't know maybe its my comfort zone
plus my hair looks really good and I get to wear sweaters.
I am dreading the end of the month though
29th to be more exact.
life really is just + -
Yesterday I learned from someone pretending everything is alright, just makes you even more "depressed". I never opened up to someone like I did ever.It really doesn't matter how long you have known people, what matters is all the memories and experiences you have had with them.
I'm hard headed and try to put on a strong face, but yesterday you broke me down and its what I really needed. Johnny Aivi and You (Tiffany) have been there for me through this "rough" time.
I still need some work to break me everything that has my mind in chains and save my soul thats locked somewhere deep.
Thanks I really appreciate it everything and the support in times where
I just want to rot in a hole.
I was also reading all my blogs and there really isn't anything "good" it kind of like negative energy its how I feel. HELL thats why its a blog.
Querido Dios,
Por favor ayúdeme por esta batalla dentro de mí.
Finalmente muéstreme el lado bueno de la vida.
___________________________
finally narrowed it down where I would like to get
"too weird to live too rare to die" tattoo
across both my wrist or on my shoulders.
and sooner or later I'm going to get this
artist Miss Van
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