not yet....

3 years in 3 days




Whoever said life has a premade plan for people, FAILED. For some people why would they want all the horrible things that have happen to them actually happen to them. No one deserves it, but because unfortunately it happens it is your destiny after all of this to become a better person, but some people get caught up in it that they never see the end of it.




The one important thing that is killing me among other things is my mother. When she doesn't think I can hear her cry she does. I'm up on those stairs crying with her then walk downstairs and give her a hug. It's been back to back to back shit. Her mother dying 3 years ago, one week after getting home from Guatemala the storm happens, put all her feelings aside and help her family survive, moving from house to house, working ,then the topper getting run over and then having the worst fracture you could get on your hand. She will never be the same in so many ways, "I would have never thought at 50 I would be going through something like this".

I wish, I want to take everything that she is going through and the injury I WANT IT WHY COULDN'T IT HAPPEN TO ME! WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN TO HER HASN'T SHE GONE THROUGH ENOUGH I DESERVE IT I WANT IT WHY DIDN'T IT HAPPEN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It would have never mattered if it happen to me, I already don't feel anything everything is ruined i just wanted it to happen to me and not her. At least if it happen to me if would have healed better cause well I have the young factor. I just want her to enjoy her life and not have to worry about it. Her life has been up and down, and every time she tells me that story you think "All Minorities no matter what culture or country they come from must have almost the same story", we do really have it hard.


I just want to make her life happy and I know the things that she wants from her children and my brother and I do try, but right now I feel like such a failure its not helping her at all. I cry, I have resentment, I hate..... myself....... but i hide it all just to put on a face. I just want her to see that I'm doing anything and everything for her so it wouldn't have to be ONE MORE THING. She has helped me through everything in life, its time for me to repay everything back and have been since January. I love her so much, and I hope one day in some form I could be like her.


One day, I'm going to build you a house where you will be worried free and don't have to worry about money where every you are. One day, your going to be home again living the good life.




Te quiero mamá